WoRLd oF mY oWn, My LiFe

Happy Independence Day to Malaysia! No countdown, no entertainment, can’t go back to hometown… juz stay at home. Then go to 17^th floor for fireworks, but it was a disappointing one. How I wish there is someone I could rely on that time. When those fireworks blast, I just silently looked up at the clear night sky, letting my mind…Thinking about my life all these while & those routes that I took, no matter it is right or wrong. Well, I guess that’s life or should I called it as ‘reality’. Reality that makes me wants to run away which I do not dare to face or accept it! Need not to worry as that is just a part of me.

At times, things can be very simple, but why does people make it complicated? Why does people need to lie or should I say lie in order to hide the truth? Why do people like to act as if they know everything? I really do not understand and couldn’t accept people are like that. When I’m writing this blog, anger grows…but I think I don’t have the authority to be angry and anger never exists in my heart for a long time. Well, maybe I already know that people are like that, that is why I keep everything to myself and never confess to anyone. I guess that’s the answer, I suppose… Accept it or forget it! That is what I have to tell myself in order to have a better life. Sometimes, it is easy to say, but when it comes to action, it never comes easy especially the word ‘forget’. It isn’t easy to forget…u can choose not to remember it, but it still exists in ur mind. Unless, u suffer from memory loss, if not u will never forget what had happened, what hurts the most etc.

-Lead me to the place where I can find my peace-

Well, don’t think I can go back till exams is over…Sigh~ All the tickets has sold out. Can’t go back to a place called ‘home’ for me to relax…*tiring*   Life is filled with uncertainty which at times makes u feel lost and out of ur mind. Exams is around d corner once again! Time flies & here comes exams again…which make me feel sink…drown…stress… Full concentration needed now…

-How does it feel if u are not able to get close to the person that u admire/like? How does it feel if you like someone but you can’t have him/her? U juz can see that person frm a far sight…Does alcohol makes one feel better when they are sad?-

Life is getting tougher at times. I’m tougher…stronger…than the past BUT the strength to walk through this hard journey is kinda tiring, stressing & exhausting. The only place I can really relax myself is a place called ‘home’ (I suppose). I guess that’s the only place I feel warm and relaxing. Another place would be ‘dreams’. Dreams that filled with fantasy. Confessions of a broken heart. Never confess anything to anyone. Whenever, I’m unhappy, I can’t find a person whom I can confide with. I just don’t understand why. What makes me feel better is to contact/message someone. If they are happy, I’m happy. I will feel better if I know their life is filled with happiness. At times, I felt lost, dun really know who I really am, what I really want etc. It’s like a totally different me. I wish I have a shoulder that I could lean on….Struggling to breathe and to survive in order to continue this journey. At times, I nearly give up…but since I’ve walk till this far, I should continue to walk on…no matter how hard it is. I just wish I could hang on…