WoRLd oF mY oWn, My LiFe

New semester has juz started on Monday. The night on b4 which is Sunday, we celebrate Marcus and Stanley’s b’day. I went there later bcoz I watched Smallville as it was the Grand Finale but still it hasn’t ended…to be continued..haha..It was very exciting . Like to watch Smallville very much. After finishing watching TV, I went to Dataran to meet them. They are taking photos that time…luckily Im on time. hehe…After that, Marcus throw flour on my head lo then followed by Lance and Kha Heng. Kha Heng throw the most flour on me. sob..sob..But we had fun. Erin has come back from London…Miss her so much. Thx 4 those souvenirs…:) I really like it…moreover it is my favourite colour. I din sleep well that night as Im worried. yea, Im worrying about my results. I woke up quite early on Monday…For me, it is the new semester and also can consider as the end 4 me. Jane told me I hv passed all this semester but how about my re-sit? She dunno…Then I was like…is it fail? So u dun dare to tell me. Then,I and Mei Han walk to college…On that time, my mind was stucked as I think a lot. Keep on praying that I will pass. Once, I reached 1st floor of admin block, my heart beat faster. Nearly can’t breathe!!! This time, I see the fail list 1st. Dunno y I see the fail list 1st..Maybe I lack of confidence dy. Well, I din see my name there. Can’t believe what I see that time. Then, I see the pass list and my name was there…the both re-sit paper which are Law and Drama…I oso pass. I dunno how to express my feelings that time as I still can’t believe I hv pass. I thought I will failed Drama again…Frankly speaking, the paper that I hv re-sit is more difficult than the paper I hv failed. I really thank GOD that I hv passed. Thx to those who hv really help and guide me.( u know who u r) Thank u so much…I really appreciate it. After lots of hard work, finally I pass. Luckily, it is not the end for me.(feeling relieve now)

Happy Birthday to my beloved best frenz, Yin Man. May you hv a memorable b’day. I really miss those times…It’s been 1 year that we din see each other. I really miss u…brain brain. hehe…I will nvr 4get ur nickname. Luv ya!!! haha.. You are the 1st one who tells me to open my heart and share my problems with the others but I think Im closing the door of my heart now. I dun wan to get hurt anymore, I already had enough…~Breathless~

" I can’t pretend that I don’t see,

How much I’m living through misery.

The part of me that nobody wants to know

The part where I don’t want to show

You’ll be surprised to find out how little

You really know about me

All these things I keep from you

You’ll be surprised to find out

What my life is all about

Lies and deception are just a part…"

Many ppl asked me to find someone to talk to so that I will feel better after sharing my burden…But yet Im stubborn!!! I tend to hold or hide everything in my heart and hurt myself. I always want to be the BEST, but everytime I tend to be the WORSE. Y muz I want to be the best if I know that I can’t achieve? The answer is always lies in my heart. I juz drop by at my fren’s blog and it says that ppl keep their real self when interacting with others. It depends whether the person is an angel or evil, dunno you all understand what Im trying to say a not but i think it’s true. True self only appears when one is alone and it is usually applies to those who looks joyful and happy all d time. How i wish I was living in te fantasy world where all my dreams come true?

Do u ever feel like breaking down?

Do u ever feel out of place?

Like somehow u juz don’t belong

And noone understands u…

Lost…I’m really lost. I don’t know what happen to me nowadays. I get frustrated, angry, sad…easily. Juz bcoz of a small matter, I can get angry and started scolding ppl for no other reasons. Im really sorry if I hurt any1. Can any1 tell me why? I’m not like that last time!!! But don’t think I can get any answers as u r not me. I don’t really know or understand who am I now. It seems there is many characters in myself…and I don’t know which is the real me. Im lost, frustrated. Not being myself anymore. Nobody knows how I really feel as it is all in my heart. My Only Hope is YOU, but YOU hv disappointed and hurt me. Slowly, YOU went away frm my life and I’m back…Being a person who does not want to share the feelings in my heart!!! Nobody can help me already but only myself…Even I can’t help myself…*Helpless*

Year 2, Semester 1 is goin to start on this Monday. Hope everything goes well for this new sem. I’m quite worry now as Monday will be the results day. In d mean time, I dun want to think about it. Yea, I’m running away frm it…*Pray that everything is fine*

~I’m forced to FAKE a smile, a laugh EVERYDAY of my life~

I juz came back from kampar. hehe… Well, let me briefly say about the orientation. It was a great experience throughout the orientation week especially during the 1st day of mass call. Im the one who distribute the kits to the freshies, it’s tiring but fun. hehe…The feeling of sitting at the stage with the lecturers are quite scary but I’m honoured to be there with them. When it was my turn to lead the oath, I told the freshies to arise but it seems they dun understand what Im trying to say. haiz…After the oath, I say thank u and they follow me say thank u. All the lecturers and staffs laugh…including me too. haha…They are really funny. Our SWC board for exhibition is really nice, I like it very much. Thx to my committee members who help and co-operate with me. Anyway, I gain a lot of experience and it has slowly boost up my confidence on stage. 2 more days b4 Year 2 ,Semester 1 starts.

Im here to online and update my blog b4 I go back to kampar…After 1 week and a few days of holiday and I’m back to kampar. I juz finish packing everything at the last minute coz I dun feel like goin back. hehe…Hope I din left out anything. Will be missing everything at home. sigh~ Hope everything goes well during the orientation. *Pray* See u guys soon… I will sure come back home b4 college re-opens. hehe…

I juz got the new timetable frm Clarine by sms today. Here it goes..

PR strategy- Cik Noor

Public Speaking- Pn Jora

Chinese- Ms Ng

Psychology- Partimer

National goal- not yet confirm

Translation- not yet confirm

English- Ms Jennifer

Haiz…I hv class till saturday bcoz of the psychology. I told my mum about it and she said y u dun choose chinese? Honestly, I’m really regret of choosing drama. Not bcoz of there is class on sat but I failed drama. Is my fault, can’t blame any1…I made my own choice. *Hit myself into the wall* I wonder who teach national goal and translation? Why still haven’t confirm yet? I hope one of the lecturer is Dr Cheah lol. At 1st, many lecturers were fighting to teach public speaking but now in the end, Im surprised Pn Jora is goin to teach us. Meeting Ms Jennifer again…I tot she stop teaching dy but here she is teaching us english again. Haiz…not so happy. The 1st thing appear in my mind was boring…Not becoz I dislike those lecturers la, but a bit bored lo. Will be getting busy soon…Subjects are getting tougher and tougher.

Well, I read a news yesterday…it’s quite a shock to me but not to u all. Olympic And World Champion Taufik To Retire After The 2008 Olympics. Taufik is the only player with the honour of capturing the Olympic and World Championship gold medals in the men’s singles, wants to end his illustrious career another gold-medal performance in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. He has got everything in his badminton career except All England title. Hope he can achieve the title b4 he retires. Still got 2 years to watch him play. sob…sob… I dunno whether I hv d chance to watch badminton live a not. Only 2 years and my dreams ends…sigh~(sad)

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mummys throughout the world, especially to my mum. Thankx 4 everything u do. Fully appreciate…For me, everyday is a mother’s day. hehe…Treat ur mum well, help her do hsework, dun make her angry, get gd results…All these are consider as presents to a mum. Luv ya!!:p

When I look through my autograph book, I tend to think back my past. All those sad and happy memories all lies in that book. Sometimes, I tend to miss those days in secondary school but sometimes not. I oso dunno what I want…I’m lost!!! I miss so many of my frenz. Yin Man who sit with me during form 5, she alwiz make me happy when I’m down. Hope to see her soon! Chooi San,during form 4, Cik Hani change her place and let her sit behind me. Our frenship start from that moment…she’s d only 1 who alwiz discuss badminton with me, I like Taufik and she like Peter Gade. Yin Che, I alwiz make fun with her, joke wif her. Sin Yi, nvr same class b4 but we known each other at Wijaya. I remember that time, she was alone and so I invite her to sit with me.Since then,whenever she saw me at school or sit with me during tuition, she will cubit my hand or leg…Get bully by her, but all I did was juz call her "sa poh". hehe… Sook Zhen, juz known her for only 6 months & same class for few hours only which is during economy and account class. Alwiz call me "Ah Leong" coz she dunno my name that time. Still got a lot more…all these memories are still fresh in my mind. I nvr 4get every minute that happen in school. During dinner night that day, something happen that make me very sad lo then u know what make me cheer up again? That is when I went back home to watch badminton match. If I’m not mistaken is the match between Taufik & Boonsak during the Olympics 2004 and Taufik won tat time. I think I spent most of the time in class, staffroom or counceling room during recess time. haha… that’s y Im so skinny lo and I alwiz fall sick that time. That time, my frenz will force me to go back home and rest but I’m very stubborn…still want to hang on…haiz…Those are the days…

Life is getting tougher and tougher….Life sucks!!! I’m facing lots of so call "shits" now!!! haiz…Dunno wat to say. I’m tired of all these dy. Need to get a nice rest now.

China won the Thomas Cup once again!!! Denmark lose to China once again…China really deserved to win. They played extremely well. Each player hv their own strategies in handling their opponent. During the doubles games, when Fu HaiFeng serve, he will show either 1 or 5 fingers at his back to show Cai Yun. That’s cool right? I wonder what does that means? Only both of them knows. hehe… The Malaysian and Indonesian players are here to watch the match too and they got medals for 3rd place. Saw Taufik…so handsome, hehe… Congratulations to China…They both won the Thomas and Uber Cup. I hv one wish, dunno when it will come true. I really want to watch badminton live and meet up with my favourite players. I’m really envy those who took pictures with them. Looking forward to that day to come…

Malaysia has lost…I feel sad and sorry for them. The Mens Doubles played so well, never even give up till the last minute. Never give up is their key to win. Proud of them!!! It’s really exciting to watch the doubles to play especially Chan Chong Ming and Koo Kien Keat’s match. Each point in the match was so close and crucial till u dun wan to leave infront of the TV. They played extremely well. The 1st time I saw 2 red cards frm the match. Well, Chong Wei played well but Peter Gade played even more extremely. Felt upset with Hafiz performance. He’s an All- England Champion b4 but he din played well in that match. If he could hv won, Malaysia will proceed into the finals. Besides, we hv to giv credit to Kuan Beng Hong, the youngster…Although he failed, but he tried his very best dy. Felt pity for Choong Hann…He should hv replaced Hafiz if not bcoz of the injury. He should have play and Im very sure he will win. In conclusion,China will be facing Denmark in the finals again. Last 2 years, China won over Denmark. Well, hope this year would be the same also. Since 2 of my favourite team have lost, I will support China now. haiz… Nowadays, all my topics is about badminton dy. hehe…