WoRLd oF mY oWn, My LiFe

I’ve juz finished my 1st paper yesterday which is Tamadun Islam dan Asia. The obj is quite tough ler..sob..sob..Hope i will pass. Pray for it!!! I 4got to bring my jacket and in the end I’m freezing….It was so cold till I was shaking. My hand was freeze. haha…Yea, it was very cold. No joking… B4 Tamadun exam, there r many bad things happen lo. Is it a bad sign? haiz… 1st, dunno how I scratch my own hand and….haiz.. Then later my hand palms kena d door and my hand hurt again. Later at night, I found my eyes swollen. Day by day it swollen…till today it hasn’t recover. Sob…sob… I hv difficulties in studying now. Argh…it’s killing me. I wanna cry dy!!! Today, I started feeling not well…Sick..Going to shut down soon. Pls pray that I’m healthy. I hv 3 more papers to go. Envy those who hv finish their exams or finishing soon. Sob..sob..I dun wan to fall down juz like that. I dun wan to fail anymore…I hv to fight till the end… *Pray*..PLS GIV ME THE STRENGTH TO WALK ON THIS PATH

Well, semester 3 juz ended yesterday. On Monday, b4 class starts…everyone went to Block A and copied the exam timetable. Then my frenz told me next week will be our final exam. I knew that but dunno y I feel very….(dunno how to describe my feelings). Suddenly, I feel the whole world was blackout and my head was stucked for a moment. Then I got headache for the whole day. Yea, I’m worrying about my exams…I dun hv confidence anymore…sigh~ After that, I started to seek help frm every1. I dun wan to repeat the same mistake anymore. On thursday and friday was our presentation, it was very tiring especially on thursday. Presentation was ok but when it comes to one which is facing with ur lecturer alone in a room…it was scary,especially when u r waiting outside. But, it’s over dy. Gain some experience frm it… Speaking of exams…I will be having 3 papers next week. Some of my frenz will be having 2 papers. Haiz…envy them. Can’t fail anymore, I don’t wanna die young. Everything seems happening so fast and the previous final exams are still fresh in my mind. (haiz…sigh…) Still not accepting the fact that I…… Wish everything goes well for me. *Pray*

Well, I juz read the newspaper today. There is an article about colour of friendship which is very meaningful. I write some of it but for further details, u can check The Star. It started…Once upon a time, the colours of d world started to quarrel. All of them claimed that they were the best…most important…most useful…Well, they argue among themselves. I like the ending part which is " From now on, whenever it rains,each of u will stretch across the sky in a great bow of colour as a reminder that u can all live in peace. The rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow." And so after a good shower has washed the world and a rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

*All the best to all my frenz who r having exams. Gambate!!!*

Yesterday night, we went to Restaurant Tai Thong to hv our dinner. Well, 1 car doesn’t fit all of us so we went there by 3 cars. Simon is our driver that night and my bro who is the one to direct the way. Eventually, we r lost. Can’t believe..I’m frm ipoh but I still can get  lost. It was dark and raining heavily so I can’t hardly see the road to help my bro direct the way so we end up arriving late. We got to eat a lot of delicious and also expensive food such as shark fins,abalone,lobster,fish…Luv it so much!!!! When I think back, I feel hungry again. Well, I can’t believe the delicious fish I’ve ate is cost RM1000. OMG!!! *nearly fainted*  Yea, we spent a lot on those good food we hv ate. Will upload those pics in frenster later. Oh yea…I even got to meet my 1st nephew, Dominic. A very cute baby :)….I luv cute babies..hehe. It doesn’t mean I’m aunty arr…I’m still young. Many ppl surrounded him that night…eventually he become the star of that night. We even take turns to carry him but I dun hv the chance to carry him yet. Well, many ppl got drunk that night, especially my dad and grandma. After the dinner, we exchange drivers. This time tai ku cheong who fetch us back coz he din get drunk. When we bk to grandma hse, I take grandma upstairs as she has drunk. But she tell me lots of things then she even ask whether she got drunk a not? She keep on denying she was not drunk then I nod my head and said, u r not drunk but actually she is. hehe.. Then, 6th sum giv me some necklace that she hv bought. It’s very nice…Thx. Happy Birthday grandma!!!

Today, we went Tai Thong 4 dim sum.. It was delicious..:) hehe…everything I ate yesterday and today are delicious. After breakfast, we went bk to grandma hse again. This time, I got to carry Dominic He is so cute!!! Got this opportunity to take photo with him. His mummy is goin to bring him to England soon. Dunno when can I meet him again.

Apparently, I hv a lot to write but too tired dy…It has been few days, I nvr get a nice sleep.

Well,everything has settled dy. B4 that, I was worrying a lot of things. But on thursday, everything has been settled. Feeling relieve that time. My lecturer said I’m not strong. haiz…Trying to be strong next time. Anyway, I’m tougher than b4 dy. After that, I’ve been told that we r goin to meet Dr. Choy on friday, which is the next day. On that time, my heart was beating so fast. Oh well, I’m nervous. Till the next day, after Tamadun class, we waited at Block A. I’m shaking…feel very scared ler..dunno wat I’m afraid of but that’s my feeling on that time. Then, met my favourite lecturer…Thx to her as she calm me down by giving advices and joke with us. I feel comfortable…During the meeting, I’m shaking…not because I’m afraid but it’s very very cold..Learnt a lot during that meeting. Well, today was the mid-term test for Mass Media and Society. The night b4, I study in my own room till 4am…I’m alert after drinking a cup of coffee. Can’t sleep so I make myself to stay up that late. The test was ok…thx to my lecturer. hehe… Now, I’m exhausted…Will be going 4 dinner at Restoran Tai Thong for my grandma’s b’day.

Well, I juz watched the last episode of Double Happiness 1. It’s a singaporean show. Very touching…I cried when I watch this show. Sob…sob…It’s very educational. Luv it very much…The ending of series one is very very sad. Mrs Luo and Jia Qi pass away. The show title is double happiness rite? But I din see there is happiness inside. haiz…Anyway, I’ve juz found out that there is Double Happiness series 2. Maybe I can find happiness there. If got chance, I hope u guys can watch this show. Very nice!!!! Worth to watch it. Hope to watch series 2 soon…

Will be going back to kampar tomorrow night. This friday, my cousins will be coming back and I will only meet them on saturday. Coz I hv MMS test on Saturday morning…Will be celebrating my grandma’s b’day on saturday.

I’ve juz chat with a fren of mine. She teach me a lot of leadership…Well, told her a lot of my problems. Can’t believe I bla bla bla… a lot to her. She helps me a lot lo..:) Appreciate…Thx.

I’m exhausted…really tired of what is happening around me. I’m stucked and lost in somewhere…My head contains a lot of things. This few days, I’m alwiz thinking of something. Whenever I’m doin sumthing, Im not paying attention on it. What happen to me? haiz.. After all those things happen, Life is like a gamble to me…

If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow.

Well, if it’s still a fate, I will accept it…Anyway I will treasure every moments that I spent now. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." 

"Life… is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates.  So, you’re stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there’s nothing else to eat while you’re watching the game.  Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it’s gone too fast and the taste is fleeting.  In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper."

I’ve looked at life from both sides now, from win and lose and still somehow…It is life’s illusions I recall, I really don’t know life at all. I’m LOST…HURT…I dunno which road should I go. Left? Right? I’m standing right in the middle, thinking of which way to go… I dun even know who to go for? Who to seek for help? *kneeling down & scream as loud as I can*

Im really hurt and sad when being accused. Honestly, if I really did that…I will sure admit it was me. But if I nvr did, how am I goin to admit it was me? As I’m in d society and bcoz of my post, I hv to take responsibility on it. Although I really know what happen…I can’t say. Some ppl scolded me stupid especially my mum…Yea, I am stupid…I alwiz think of others, never think of myself. I never think what happen to me next. What is in my mind is alwiz others. Although they do not know what I’ve done is actually for their own gd, I still do it. In the end, Im the one who is eventually the evil and bad one… Tears nvr stop flowing… my heart is crying. I don’t think crying doensn’t symbolize weakness…Im soft, weak but does anyone know what happen to me before? My past? During the past, I’m not like this. That is why I really do care what ppl thinks about me. Reputation is very important to me…Why? It is because my past who broughts me of who am I today. I want to forget the past that filled with sadness but it seems repeating. why? I do not want to go back to the past anymore. Why everyone has to brings me back to the past?

Everything that happens is like a downfall for me. Problems and failure keep on enters in my heart…my mind. I’m pressured by many things. Why problems and failures keep on entering my life? Guess is my another failure again…This semester might be the final chance or can be said as the final lap for me. Can’t I hv some happy memories b4 i dunno what will happen next?

“God, pls make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me saw love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
I shall not live in vain.

-where’s d exit? Will it be heaven?-

Yesterday I suppose to be on9 but it’s already 12.30am when Im back from dinner. Well, went to grandma’s hse around 7pm…but we din went 4 dinner. Had some family discussion. I was really hungry untill 8.30pm then we went to Restoran Overseas to hv our dinner. On the way back to grandma hse, Racheal talks a lot of stories…she is filled with imagination. Guess she read a lot of story books. A very intelligent girl indeed. After that, continue with the discussion again…My dad really talk non-stop. Frm day till night, he’s talking the same issue. He lose his voice dy. *Sigh* He has a lot of things to do…Besides that, Im sure he worries about my studies too…I really hope I’ll nvr failed again. If not, I really dunno what to do dy… Pray that everything will be fine. Juz came back frm Qing Ming. This year is special coz Racheal and Sheryl follow us. *Tiring now* So far, it has not been a smooth year for us. Pray that everything will be fine.